I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is the high leading the old right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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