He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
