You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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