Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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