she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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