if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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