how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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