ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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