I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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