I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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