Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love you. Go after that dick
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
