dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
