he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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