Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
