i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love you. Go after that dick
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