i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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