Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
