he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
