Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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