My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
