high people should be assigned attendants
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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