I wish my penis had an off switch
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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