Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
