how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
