Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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