be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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