I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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