When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
