Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
