it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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