Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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