Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
