i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
