Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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