My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
