...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
