This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
