i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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