I'm so fucking centered right now
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
