I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
