Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
