after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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