How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
