Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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