We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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