my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
