Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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