And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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