my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
