Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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