This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
