I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
