He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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