I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
another moral hangover. fuck.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
