I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
