piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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