i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
