We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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