P.S. I can't hear my feet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my poor anus
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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