I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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