It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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