My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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