you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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