i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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