Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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