the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
