You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
