I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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