you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
smell my finger.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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