you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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