Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
