She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
