you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
