DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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