I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
