Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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